standard-relative proof of God

A logical argument thesis essay fun-filled reading and also an experiment… Here’s my final stance on the existence of God.

(Right-Click to download.)

Note: This argument is only to prove the existence of a God. I haven’t written another one about my actual faith (Christianity). That may come later. (may)

Thanks Jiahui for the proof-read.

closing a chapter, and keeping it open

I don’t have to say what this is about, really. You should know. I believe – unlike a giant majority of bloggers out there – in putting my feelings here. You chose to open this webpage, you chose to open my diary. Well, it remains unlocked. You choose whether you accept or reject what is written here. Meanwhile, I decide what I feel, if you don’t mind.

I should have made it into the Team.

It’s as simple as that.

The reserves and support team went the night before (at around 9.30pm) to do nothing but play cards and stay over in a classroom. We got up at 6.30+ the next morning, and took a bus, walked there to help the Team deliver their supplies and bags. When the briefing could have been conducted earlier, when no time would have been wasted on an entire night staying over, I found this blatant waste of time. (i brought WSC to mug, thankfully)

And we talk about spirit. Thing is, we don’t create a “spirit” that is so weak it almost doesn’t exist. Yes, you talk about friendship, you tell reserves how important it is for reserves to think of themselves as a Team when you reject them entry into the Team.

You tell of a spirit that existed 2 years ago – when I was sec2, when at least a few people would attend the weekly hikes despite the typical RI schedules. I remember running during the competition in Pulau Ubin – we were lost – and, together with lamzy, binglong, and junming, we somehow made it through to first. The camaraderie was not in cheers, fake shouting, lame puns and catchphrases. It was in friendship and commitment.

Going back in time, I think I would hold the record for the most consistent attendant of the hikes. I made it a point in my Saturday agenda (which, by the way, has a very high chance of being more cluttered than most people) to wake up and go early to the starting points. I loved those trainings back then. I remember running with joy. I was indefatigable, to be honest.

Because of CCTs, some of the secondary twos now claim they can’t attend. secondary threes as well. What rot. Filth. You have record low attendances. The commitment is non-existent. It is no more. The spirit is gone as well. Disappeared in a whiff.

But it is unfair for me and to me, to say I didn’t enjoy this year’s AQ experience. I made acquaintances, but found comfort in some friends. WIth some similarity between us at least. An ambition to succeed, when we already can.

But we weren’t selected.

Why?

Because we were lousy. As a trainer said on the steps of the junior block, “we chose the teams based on their strengths.” My heart sank. I was expecting some mention of team work being a criteria in selection – that those retained in the teams were chosen because they could work together. There was no mention.

Plus, when another position of another segment the Race was opened, the non-reserve support team member got in, because he was not in the reserve team. A wasted opportunity.

The Race

And what happened during the race? RIBB’s results were marginally satisfactory, but if you were to go closer and dig up what happened, you’ll see what I saw.

I saw people having sprained ankles. Grimacing in pain. You know what? The Race is only 20 kilometres. You know what? I did those hikes in sec2, more than twice the distance. And you know what? I loved the hikes.

You needed Deep Heat, you needed new and/or branded shoes, you needed a water bag, you needed a proper hiking bag.

When all you needed was more substance. More punch to the run.

I don’t use deep heat. I don’t have new/branded shoes. I don’t have a water bag. I don’t have a proper hiking bag.

I just ran.

And here’s the best part – you didn’t win!

And I’m going to tell you something controversial – I would have.

Scars

There are two ways to treat scars. One, you don’t touch them and leave them to heal. Two, you scratch them and agitate them so they remain as significant skin structures.

I will do the latter. Don’t call me foolish. Don’t call me “bitter”. Don’t call me selfish, don’t tell me to “let life go on”.

Truth is, these things stay with you for life, at least for me.

The amount of disappointment in this whole thing is so overbearing. When logic fails to explain what happens. it evokes feelings of bitterness. My interest in BB has declined significantly (and unintentionally) as a result of this.

Because of pain. And the sadness that comes with it.

There comes a point when you cry so hard you just can’t cry.

And for those who had the compassion to read until this point, the password for the post “Rain” is aq2008.

UPDATE: I look back at my previous post on AQ with envy and pain.