Look at this list of people. You’ll realise how much they have accomplished.

They’re the same age as me. At the same time (and age) they’ve accomplished significantly more in their lives. Some have found their “calling” by being very good in what they do.

As the list for those born each year is created on Wikipedia, those appearing are either royalty, have been conceived through fancy technology, or were born with unique abnormalities. Yet as the years pass, each “batch” of the world’s young begins to reveal their potential and then – boomz – a talent explosion. And time begets irony: those born into this world with “royal blood” are gradually overshadowed by those who prove their worth, despite having “inferior” platelets. They don’t just kick football – they act, sing, dance, figure-skate. And just for starters, we have Miley Cyrus – no, no, I know what you’re thinking – who nevertheless has carved out quite a career for herself. Oh, did I mention? She earned $25 million last year. (Money doesn’t determine success, but it does serves as a crude barometer of success in some careers.)

I wish I could do those, or have a defining talent. Chances are, you desire the same thing too. We all do, because belong firmly in the former group of the Privileged. There are those among us who shine, but there are lights all over – on the soccer field, on the track, in the exam hall, in the studio. The world suffers from no dearth of talent, and definitely no lack of light.

We should carve out areas where we can fully excel. Not in the SS, National Education, our-only-resource-is-people sort of way. But in a revolutionary expression of creative energy.

Something – I don’t know - unique.

La.

Why can’t I find anyone to sing this to?

When I’m lost in the rain,
In your eyes I know I’ll find the light to light my way.
And when I’m scared and losing ground;
When my world is going crazy, you can turn it all around.

And when I’m down you’re there; pushing me to the top.
You’re always there; giving me all you’ve got.

For a shield from the storm;
For a friend; for a love
To keep me safe and warm,
I turn to you.
For the strength to be strong;
For the will to carry on;
For everything you do;
For everything that’s true,
I turn to you.

When I lose my will to win,
I just reach for you and I can reach the sky again.
I can do anything,
‘Cause your love is so amazing; ’cause your love inspires me.

And when I need a friend, you’re always on my side;
Giving me faith that gets me through the night.

For a shield from the storm;
For a friend; for a love
To keep me safe and warm,
I turn to you.
For the strength to be strong;
For the will to carry on;
For everything you do;
For everything that’s true,
I turn to you.

For the arms to be my shelter through all the rain;
For truth that will never change;
For someone to lean on;
for a heart I can rely on through anything;
For that one who I can run to….
I turn to you.

For a shield from the storm;
For a friend; for a love
To keep me safe and warm,
I turn to you.
For the strength to be strong;
For the will to carry on;
For everything you do;
For everything that’s true,
I turn to you.

For a shield from the storm;
For a friend; for a love
To keep me safe and warm,
I turn to you.
For the strength to be strong;
For the will to carry on;
For everything you do;
For everything that’s true…

For everything you do;
For everything that’s true,
I turn to you…

Why didn’t I re-watch this earlier?

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there’s a voice inside my head saying
You’ll never reach it

Every step I’m taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose

Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb

The struggles I’m facing
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I ain’t breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I’m gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going
And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

‘Cause there’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose

Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb

There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody’s gonna have to lose

Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb

Time heals.

I’ve exited from the more severe stages of depression with surprising expediency. I’m ready to speak. And it’s queer how the daily hits skyrocketed on the day that post was published. I still mean every word there: my mind hasn’t changed, it’s just that my emotional state has improved. I’m ready to speak, instead of leaving a queer, if not shocked, cliffhanger dangling in the minds of those even remotely concerned.

This crisis was unique in a few ways: firstly, the unprecedented plunge in my results. I don’t mean to be a snob armed with a loud-hailer, but my grades for anything have never fallen bellow 70 (i.e. the GPA 3.6), in close to 2 decades of existence. Naturally this applies to quite a number of people in RJC, but I can safely say I belong to a minority. It is cowardly to excuse myself for taking two entirely new subjects, Lit and Econs. In fact I was doing surprisingly well for both, until the Promos, which turned the tables. Imagine topping the level for Lit in one semester, then not hitting even an A all of a sudden. It’s not being a snob: on the contrary, it’s applying realistic standards. It was a freak result.

Many puzzled with the duration of this depression phase must understand that I had great expectations vested on me. Real failure is not 45 or 50, it’s the defeat of expectation. In my case it was catastrophic defeat – a field day for the mother of success, for all of my subjects. It wasn’t just a battle won, but a war which seemed over in the hour the results were released, and for a day I was unable to express any emotion. In fact throughout the post-results period, I didn’t even shed a tear. Not because it was “un-macho” to do so (frankly those who try to be macho turn out to be quite the opposite), but that I just didn’t feel any sadness for the first day. The first two days were characterised by numbness to the surroundings: people, family, anyone.

And the people who stood by helped me cope with the trauma. So it befits this post to publicly thank a few people who have made some critical difference to my state of mind. In particular, Ren Yan and Nicchee, who would suddenly grow quiet in front of me, avoiding topics, keeping quiet, cocooned within a mutual, but silent, understanding. Nigel, whose timely advice on drawing closer to God initially irritated me, but made sense soon after. Chele, whose conversation makes me know I’m not alone in this; Annie, whose extent of concern took me by gentle surprise. And my class, who forbore my silence. (and Jo and Robyn, who cutely tried to make conversation more than a couple of times.)

Quite a number asked how I was. The extent of this crisis could have struck some deeper chords of experiences people usually hide somewhere in their mind. I thank these people, and I might not have been very responsive, but I’ll try to respond in a more coherent manner in the near future. As mentioned in the previous post, my default answer is always “okay” to these things, without any tearful elaboration.

I should heal soon. Things will return back to normal. My confidence has been shattered badly for some subjects and almost entirely for others. It will take time to piece everything back together. I’m living within a dreamy continuum now. What went wrong? While this question remains I still am reluctant to consult any teachers at this point of time. The trauma is still unfolding.

I’m back, for good. I ran 15 km today, retracing the usual way to school, and it was a thoroughly enjoyable experience. My appetite for good music from the Females Who Can Sing has returned. As Judith Guest would put it, depression is not sobbing and crying and giving vent, it is plain and simple reduction of feeling. I am not okay, but I’ll get there, with some help from God if He has some time to spare and doesn’t mind helping. It’d be nice to have some wisdom and favour in dealing with examinations. And failure.

I’m ready to take on more challenges. For now, I don’t need any more failures.

I wish I could sing this with conviction now.

I’ve still got a lot to learn
But, at least I know where I can turn
When I’m in my times of need
Just as long
(As I know all things are possible)
Just as long as I believe

I’ve loved a lot, hurt a lot
Been burned a lot in my life and times
Spent precious years wrapped up in fear
With no end in sight
Until my saving grace shined on me
Until my saving grace set me free

Giving me peace
Giving me strength when I’d
Almost lost it all
Catching my every fall
I still exist because you keep me safe
I found my saving grace within you

Yes, I’ve been bruised
Grew up confused
Been destitute
I’ve seen life from many sides
Been stigmatized
Been black and white
Felt inferior inside
Until my saving grace shined on me
Until my saving grace set me free

Giving me peace
Giving me strength when I’d
Almost lost it all
Catching my every fall
I still exist because you keep me safe
I found my saving grace within you

And the bountiful things that you do
Lord thank you
For delivering me

And giving me peace
Giving me strength
Giving me hope when I’d
Almost lost it all
Catching my every fall
I still exist because you keep me safe
Always my saving grace
Pulls me through
I found my saving grace within you

(Yes you are – you’re my every, everything)
Within you…
(Only, only you)
Yes lord
(Only you)
My saving grace lord is
You

Failure is not absolute. It does not have to fall below 45 or 50.

Failure is failing to meet up to expectations. Your own, others.

Failure reveals under-achievers.

It is a great burden to be an under-achiever.

Firstly, you have to deal with the catastrophic results.

Then you have to deal with trying to act like you’ve gotten over it.

The social pressure to remain happy in the face of catastrophic results is burdensome. You have to remain okay. You have to reply that you are okay everytime someone asks you. You have to express it openly, then get over it in a short period of time.

Grief is sanctioned: pretending to be fine is the only way to deal with the pressure. Grief only for a day at maximum: one hour too much excessive and foolish, one too little is pointlessly optimistic. Social cajoling and well-intentioned encouragement will ensure you keep time.

Grief is communal. Grief is cheap.

Brave are the under-achievers who grief under the sheets.

(This post requires some time and preliminary knowledge. Consult Wikipedia.)

This article from RebelReports is the most complete so far: it neatly sums the arguments justifying why ex-President Zelaya was unlawfully thrown out of power (and therefore why he should be reinstated). Forgive the poor introduction.

Zelaya attempted to give Hondurans the gift of participatory democracy. It was the coup leaders who violated the constitution. Those who say otherwise are wrong.

By Alberto Valiente Thoresen, RebelReports Guest Contributor

EDITOR’S NOTE: RebelReports is publishing this original article as a response to those who claim that the coup in Honduras was legal and/or constitutional and to the reporting by those media outlets that consistently repeat false characterizations of Honduran law and President Zelaya’s actions.—JS

In the classic Greek tragedy, Prometheus Bound, the playwright observes: “Of wrath’s disease wise words the healers are.” Shortly put, this story is about Prometheus, a titan who was punished by the almighty gods for having given humanity the capacity to create fire. This generated a conflict, which ended with Prometheus’ banishment and exile.

Currently, there is a tragedy being staged in the Central American republic Honduras. Meanwhile, the rest of humanity follows the events, as spectators of an outdated event in Latin America, which could set a very unfortunate undemocratic precedent for the region. In their rage, the almighty gods of Honduran politics have punished an aspiring titan, President Manuel Zelaya, for attempting to give Hondurans the gift of participatory democracy. This generated a constitutional conflict that resulted in president Zelaya’s banishment and exile.  In this tragedy, words are once again the healers of enraged minds.  If we, the spectators, are not attentive to these words, we risk succumbing intellectually, willfully accepting the facts presented by the angry coup-makers and Honduran gods of politics.

In this respect, media coverage of the recent military coup in Honduras is often misleading; even when it is presenting a critical standpoint towards the events. Concentrating on which words are used to characterize the policies conducted by President Zelaya might seem trivial at first sight. But any familiarity to the notion of ‘manufacturing of consent’, and how slight semantic tricks can be used to manipulate public opinion and support, is enough to realize the magnitude of certain omissions. Such oversights rely on the public’s widespread ignorance about some apparently minor legal intricacies in the Honduran Constitution.

For example, most reports have stated that Manuel Zelaya was ousted from his country’s presidency after he tried to carry out a non-binding referendum to extend his term in office. But this is not completely accurate. Such presentation of “facts” merely contributes to legitimizing the propaganda, which is being employed by the coup-makers in Honduras to justify their actions. This interpretation is widespread in US-American liberal environments, especially after Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said that the coup is unacceptable, but that “all parties have a responsibility to address the underlying problems that led to [Sunday]’s events.” However, President Zelaya cannot be held responsible for this flagrant violation of the Honduran democratic institutions that he has tried to expand. This is what has actually happened:

The Honduran Supreme Court of Justice, Attorney General, National Congress, Armed Forces and Supreme Electoral Tribunal have all falsely accused Manuel Zelaya of attempting a referendum to extend his term in office.

According to Honduran law, this attempt would be illegal. Article 239 of the Honduran Constitution clearly states that persons, who have served as presidents, cannot be presidential candidates again. The same article also states that public officials who breach this article, as well as those that help them, directly or indirectly, will automatically lose their immunity and are subject to persecution by law. Additionally, articles 374 and 5 of the Honduran Constitution of 1982 (with amendments of 2005), clearly state that: “it is not possible to reform the Constitution regarding matters about the form of government, presidential periods, re-election and Honduran territory”, and that “reforms to article 374 of this Constitution are not subject to referendum.”

Nevertheless, this is far from what President Zelaya attempted to do in Honduras the past Sunday and which the Honduran political/military elites disliked so much.  President Zelaya intended to perform a non-binding public consultation, about the conformation of an elected National Constituent Assembly. To do this, he invoked article 5 of the Honduran “Civil Participation Act” of 2006.  According to this act, all public functionaries can perform non-binding public consultations to inquire what the population thinks about policy measures. This act was approved by the National Congress and it was not contested by the Supreme Court of Justice, when it was published in the Official Paper of 2006.  That is, until the president of the republic employed it in a manner that was not amicable to the interests of the members of these institutions.

Furthermore, the Honduran Constitution says nothing against the conformation of an elected National Constituent Assembly, with the mandate to draw up a completely new constitution, which the Honduran public would need to approve. Such a popular participatory process would bypass the current liberal democratic one specified in article 373 of the current constitution, in which the National Congress has to approve with 2/3 of the votes, any reform to the 1982 Constitution, excluding reforms to articles 239 and 374. This means that a perfectly legal National Constituent Assembly would have a greater mandate and fewer limitations than the National Congress, because such a National Constituent Assembly would not be reforming the Constitution, but re-writing it. The National Constituent Assembly’s mandate would come directly from the Honduran people, who would have to approve the new draft for a constitution, unlike constitutional amendments that only need 2/3 of the votes in Congress. This popular constitution would be more democratic and it would contrast with the current 1982 Constitution, which was the product of a context characterized by counter-insurgency policies supported by the US-government, civil façade military governments and undemocratic policies. In opposition to other legal systems in the Central American region that (directly or indirectly) participated in the civil wars of the 1980s, the Honduran one has not been deeply affected by peace agreements and a subsequent reformation of the role played by the Armed Forces.

Recalling these observations, we can once again take a look at the widespread assumption that Zelaya was ousted as president after he tried to carry out a non-binding referendum to extend his term in office.

The poll was certainly non-binding, and therefore also not subject to prohibition.  However it was not a referendum, as such public consultations are generally understood. Even if it had been, the objective was not to extend Zelaya’s term in office. In this sense, it is important to point out that Zelaya’s term concludes in January 2010.  In line with article 239 of the Honduran Constitution of 1982, Zelaya is not participating in the presidential elections of November 2009, meaning that he could have not been reelected. Moreover, it is completely uncertain what the probable National Constituent Assembly would have suggested concerning matters of presidential periods and re-elections. These suggestions would have to be approved by all Hondurans and this would have happened at a time when Zelaya would have concluded his term. Likewise, even if the Honduran public had decided that earlier presidents could become presidential candidates again, this disposition would form a part of a completely new constitution. Therefore, it cannot be regarded as an amendment to the 1982 Constitution and it would not be in violation of articles 5, 239 and 374. The National Constituent Assembly, with a mandate from the people, would derogate the previous constitution before approving the new one. The people, not president Zelaya, who by that time would be ex-president Zelaya, would decide.

It is evident that the opposition had no legal case against President Zelaya. All they had was speculation about perfectly legal scenarios which they strongly disliked. Otherwise, they could have followed a legal procedure sheltered in article 205 nr. 22 of the 1982 Constitution, which states that public officials that are suspected to violate the law are subject to impeachment by the National Congress. As a result they helplessly unleashed a violent and barbaric preemptive strike, which has threatened civility, democracy and stability in the region.

It is fundamental that media channels do not fall into omissions that can delay the return of democracy to Honduras and can weaken the condemnation issued by strong institutions, like the United States government. It is also important that individuals are informed, so that they can have a critical attitude to media reports. Honduras needs democracy back now, and international society can play an important role in achieving this by not engaging in irresponsible oversimplifications.

Alberto Valiente Thoresen was born in San Salvador, El Salvador. He currently resides in Norway where he serves on the board of the Norwegian Solidarity Committee with Latin America

I believe that Zelaya was deservedly thrown out of power. Currently, the most powerful argument for his removal is that the “opinion poll” he was about to launch nationwide carried a rather obvious motive of him wanting to extend his power. Given then that it would not be long before he would do so anyway, so this was just a pre-emptive strike on the part of the High Court.

Yet is intent unlawful? Are pure motives which potentially violate the constitution punishable by law? If I may use an analogy, if you spot a man behaving very suspiciously like a terrorist on the MRT, does the police have the right to arrest and detain that man? And if you see a man whose hands clutch a LV handbag running down the shopping district, will you stop him and wrestle him to the ground if you suspect that he is a snatchthief, or will you let him pass? He could be rushing back to his wife, who left her bag in another shop. Her bag could contain her asthma inhaler, and even a second could be critical to her life and death. (This will be familiar if you watched iRobot.) Don’t scream “false analogy” too quickly: the latter scenario and Zelaya’s case aren’t too different. He was on the verge of releasing his “opinion poll” nationwide.

So what are the odds? Which is the rational choice for us: wrestling the man down or letting him run by? We’d never know, would we?

Although if you’re a Singaporean, we already know the answer.

Just yesterday, I honestly didn’t think it too polite to interrupt my EXCO’s discussions to rotate them 6 times around just to ensure everyone got a nice window view at some time throughout the meeting. I didn’t bother in the end. Eventually I instructed my vice-chair to remove the labels on the chairs when I realised that they were pasted behind the chairs (and no, I don’t have to tell you it’s a pun). What particularly grossed me out was the text and background colours: pink camouflaged too well into the purple background. But I must say that although I didn’t see any entirely black ones, I found the white text on green background quite refreshing.

The meeting ended and I went to the library because I was waiting for my friend to finish his training before we went to J8 for a movie. I remember wanting to borrow 8 SAT books on all the SAT (II) subjects, 3 encyclopaedias and 3 DVDs. I knew those were reference materials and therefore borrowing it would be illegal. I knew I had to make a run for it – and thankfully I managed to hurry out in time before the librarians caught me. They were arranging themselves on newly-arrived swivel chairs in the admin booth, trying to find the chair with the colour and design which they felt expressed their true identity.

We were catching the film (500) Days of Summer starring Joseph Levitt and Zooey Deschanel – brilliant stuff. But we noticed this family of three – a mother and her two young kids – sitting the side. Ever so often, a GV manager would go up to the row they were sitting on, use a loud hailer to tell the row to rearrange themselves, and switched people around while they were doing so. The worst part was when two of them refused to sit together because one of them stepped on the other’s toes. The manager could only look on helplessly as they argued across at least 1 person.

By the time it ended it was around 10, so we went home. I took the train from Bishan to Clementi, and as I waited for it, I noticed 3 married couples (all wearing their wedding gowns) standing at the same door. The moment the train doors opened, they rushed in. The brides sat spaced out on one row, while their grooms sat opposite them. As the train began to move, they began to swap around seats: it was at about Novena that I observed no man would want to sit next to his wife. The entire train carriage could only look at a stunned atmosphere of silence enveloped on the train.

For some reason this reminded me that I would arrange the letters of the word THERMOMETER at the height of the SARS crisis, then when there previously wasn’t one, I was made to arrange the cards bearing the letters EXAMINATION. Or help coaches choose athletes for the school team – the last time I checked, coaches knew their ability rather well. I wasn’t too sure if I should help, so I offered a few suggestions (9450, to be exact), most of which were turned down anyway (9449). Why two people would refuse to sit together at a theatre I can understand, but why three married couples would enter a train compartment, and not choose – there and then – to sit on the same row as their spouses, I simply cannot fathom.

Little wonder, I thought, as I exited the train, why Singapore’s divorce rates have been accelerating.

I went to the Clementi swimming pool a few bus-stops from my house. The 2-hour swim was exceptional, but the pauses in between laps to clear the fog in the goggles were not. The water is salty, murky at the bottom, and has a pH of 5.7.

Okay I made the last quality of the water up. The water pH is really just 5.3. But as I was swimming, it seemed apparent to me that I would face a holiday without much to look forward to. PW OP would dominate till November, and SAT would just kill everything else. And then I have friends who have very warped notions of what constitutes a holiday – those with apparently have no time to just Stop and take just one break. Well, I wish them an earnest “good luck”, but little more – I honestly hope they do well in their endeavours, and not break down in the process of making a great success of their lives.

Of course there are the other friends need to take time off expand their “social circles”. As for me, I don’t know what will turn out of these holidays – the swim itself was done out of pure boredom. I don’t want to just read and revise for the SATs. My last real holiday before a 12-month grill-session are so precious.

But frankly, who gives a damn? Do you honestly know or understand the puerile idiot writing this? (Don’t bother answering please, I’m bored.) I just want to spend these holidays with people close to me, but they are obviously out to make great successes in their lives and consequently spare little time for trivial things like rest. My fantasies about some possibility of rest were smashed not too long ago after an otherwise enjoyable trip.

What more can I look forward to – can you believe there are people who take the previous post about dogs literally? The content in the past two posts bear testament to the beginnings of a mental anguish taking root, requiring password protections. I am listening to Leona Lewis’ “Happy” on such a regular basis. Things of so much significance to me have just moved across the road, setting up signposts and distributing brochures for their future employees in a wondrous future.

So what if it hurts me? So what I break down? So what if this world just throws me off the edge, my feet run out of ground?I gotta find my place, I wanna hear my sound, don’t care about all the pain in front of me, cause I’m just trying to be happy, just wanna be happy.

Help.